Shades of YOU

So here we all are. Humans. People. We are supposedly very complex beings. It is said by many that what goes inside our mind is mostly different from what we say. Such things leads to the question of trust among many.

Anyways, the point is we aren’t always truthful. Does that mean we are bad at heart? And what does it really mean ‘at heart’? Do I really know myself completely? Do I know how am I going to react to any situation I will be facing? Does that mean there is a difference between who I really am and who I think I am?

Okay, a lot of questions here. To start with, let’s talk about humans in general. All around us, and all of us. Humans. So these humans are all the same. Got 2 legs, arms, hands, eyes, nostrils and all what they have. When we talk about the physical appearance in detail, yeah the face is different, voice is different and we can find many things as such. But when we talk about their personality, nobody’s the same at all. All of them have a pretty defined personality, not that it can be evaluated easily (since they may not show their true nature all the time, so that’s a catch). But yes, all of these humans have a very unique way of understanding things and implying their mind on it.

Why is it that we differ so much from each other? To such an extent that we almost hate each other sometimes? To such an extent that we take it for granted that the person in front of you will only speak what he really thinks if he is your old buddy or something like that? Why the heck is our race so hostile in that way?

Now let’s talk about your childhood. Let’s go to the time you were born. Do you remember the time? Of course you don’t. Do you remember being yourself? No, you don’t. Now this gets interesting here. What is being yourself? The voice that keeps on blabbering inside you all the time making you think about music during examination time, or making you nervous when you are on the stage? Do you remember that voice being there when you were growing up? Personally, I distinctly remember some of the times I heard that voice a lot in my head. Instances when my mom used to scold me a lot and that voice would say all the negative things that were to be said to me. The voice kept on growing up to such an extent that now when I am talking to a person, it’s more like this conversation:

Person: Hey, what’s up?
Me: Hey dude, long time. Where have you been?
My voice: Him? Why is he here?

This may be a bit exaggerated but meet anyone around you to see if this voice says anything. There is huge probability that it does!

So, my point is that this voice inside you is not you. It is probably the voice of your experience of your life. All the evaluations that you have made, all the circumstances that you have faced and all the ways you got off in hard times and the times you didn’t, that’s what this voice signifies. It is not you. This voice is probably the reason we do not trust anyone just like that. Because we know they have a voice just like ours. We mistake that voice to be real them. And take it for granted that what the other person is saying is probably different from the ‘real him’.

Okay, so here we are. Let’s do what we are best at. Let’s judge people, in a little general manner. So a person puts water on fire. He realises it starts to boil. He touches the water. It’s hot. His experience of boiling water: Never touch the goddamn boiling water. Next time if he brings himself near boiling water, his voice would be like: get the hell out of here. That’s great. Another example, this person goes to his friend’s house for the first time. They have a dog. Dog sees this stranger and charges aggressively towards him and bites him. He is taken to hospital and given the anti-rabies vaccine. If we are talking about the previous century, that would be 16 injections in the abdomen. So the voice has a conclusion to this: stay away from this creepy four legged creature.

The person stays away from boiling water and dogs. That’s what I know about him. Now, if we think about it, all that we know about him is what he is because of his experiences. A person has a tendency to think that whatever all he has faced in his life and the way he coped up with it is the way it is supposed to be done [courtesy: voice]. If we do not consider the voice in this case, we will put it as this. So there’s this person who has built walls around him. All we have been able to do is see what those walls are about!

All of us generally build a lot of walls around us. And people judge us on the basis of these walls, that is, if you show them those walls. The more you let them, the deeper they penetrate through these walls. But what are they penetrating into? What is at the centre of the fort you build?

Well, at the centre of the fort is you. When all the walls are broken, the voice becomes silent and all that remains is you.

Now your question: But who the heck am I?

You are nothing. As a new born child, you didn’t even have any voice. There were no walls. And that’s how everybody was. If I say there is this huge tank of water, some of it is taken out to clean the pipes, some of it is used for washing the clothes and a little for drinking and so on, that water is you.

Every other person you see around is a shade of you. But born in different family and grew up in different circumstances. That’s all.

Now if you think what is meant by being nothing, well, that’s an important question. The simplest and shortest answer to that would be: Once you realize you are nothing, you can be anything.

STOP ACTING SO SMALL. YOU ARE THE UNIVERSE IN ECSTATIC MOTION. -RUMI