Shades of YOU

So here we all are. Humans. People. We are supposedly very complex beings. It is said by many that what goes inside our mind is mostly different from what we say. Such things leads to the question of trust among many.

Anyways, the point is we aren’t always truthful. Does that mean we are bad at heart? And what does it really mean ‘at heart’? Do I really know myself completely? Do I know how am I going to react to any situation I will be facing? Does that mean there is a difference between who I really am and who I think I am?

Okay, a lot of questions here. To start with, let’s talk about humans in general. All around us, and all of us. Humans. So these humans are all the same. Got 2 legs, arms, hands, eyes, nostrils and all what they have. When we talk about the physical appearance in detail, yeah the face is different, voice is different and we can find many things as such. But when we talk about their personality, nobody’s the same at all. All of them have a pretty defined personality, not that it can be evaluated easily (since they may not show their true nature all the time, so that’s a catch). But yes, all of these humans have a very unique way of understanding things and implying their mind on it.

Why is it that we differ so much from each other? To such an extent that we almost hate each other sometimes? To such an extent that we take it for granted that the person in front of you will only speak what he really thinks if he is your old buddy or something like that? Why the heck is our race so hostile in that way?

Now let’s talk about your childhood. Let’s go to the time you were born. Do you remember the time? Of course you don’t. Do you remember being yourself? No, you don’t. Now this gets interesting here. What is being yourself? The voice that keeps on blabbering inside you all the time making you think about music during examination time, or making you nervous when you are on the stage? Do you remember that voice being there when you were growing up? Personally, I distinctly remember some of the times I heard that voice a lot in my head. Instances when my mom used to scold me a lot and that voice would say all the negative things that were to be said to me. The voice kept on growing up to such an extent that now when I am talking to a person, it’s more like this conversation:

Person: Hey, what’s up?
Me: Hey dude, long time. Where have you been?
My voice: Him? Why is he here?

This may be a bit exaggerated but meet anyone around you to see if this voice says anything. There is huge probability that it does!

So, my point is that this voice inside you is not you. It is probably the voice of your experience of your life. All the evaluations that you have made, all the circumstances that you have faced and all the ways you got off in hard times and the times you didn’t, that’s what this voice signifies. It is not you. This voice is probably the reason we do not trust anyone just like that. Because we know they have a voice just like ours. We mistake that voice to be real them. And take it for granted that what the other person is saying is probably different from the ‘real him’.

Okay, so here we are. Let’s do what we are best at. Let’s judge people, in a little general manner. So a person puts water on fire. He realises it starts to boil. He touches the water. It’s hot. His experience of boiling water: Never touch the goddamn boiling water. Next time if he brings himself near boiling water, his voice would be like: get the hell out of here. That’s great. Another example, this person goes to his friend’s house for the first time. They have a dog. Dog sees this stranger and charges aggressively towards him and bites him. He is taken to hospital and given the anti-rabies vaccine. If we are talking about the previous century, that would be 16 injections in the abdomen. So the voice has a conclusion to this: stay away from this creepy four legged creature.

The person stays away from boiling water and dogs. That’s what I know about him. Now, if we think about it, all that we know about him is what he is because of his experiences. A person has a tendency to think that whatever all he has faced in his life and the way he coped up with it is the way it is supposed to be done [courtesy: voice]. If we do not consider the voice in this case, we will put it as this. So there’s this person who has built walls around him. All we have been able to do is see what those walls are about!

All of us generally build a lot of walls around us. And people judge us on the basis of these walls, that is, if you show them those walls. The more you let them, the deeper they penetrate through these walls. But what are they penetrating into? What is at the centre of the fort you build?

Well, at the centre of the fort is you. When all the walls are broken, the voice becomes silent and all that remains is you.

Now your question: But who the heck am I?

You are nothing. As a new born child, you didn’t even have any voice. There were no walls. And that’s how everybody was. If I say there is this huge tank of water, some of it is taken out to clean the pipes, some of it is used for washing the clothes and a little for drinking and so on, that water is you.

Every other person you see around is a shade of you. But born in different family and grew up in different circumstances. That’s all.

Now if you think what is meant by being nothing, well, that’s an important question. The simplest and shortest answer to that would be: Once you realize you are nothing, you can be anything.

STOP ACTING SO SMALL. YOU ARE THE UNIVERSE IN ECSTATIC MOTION. -RUMI

The World Beyond Normal

Nan yen pirandhen?
Who am I?

The question is far more introspective in nature than the question any HR will ask you: "Tell me something about yourself?". The reason being you already have an answer to this one. You have practiced the answer many times. You have searched about the company, its aim and mission and therefore, know what you must say. It may be completely true, or parts of it are right. Often, people say things they think are right about them.

But when you ask yourself: Who am I?, the very first thing you realize is how unimportant words like truth and right are. These are the words used by practical minded society. Some things that have been judged by masses and labelled under right or wrong, truth or a lie. Once we start the journey inwards, and if we do, judging anything becomes senseless.

Criminals, thieves and rapists have been asked many times if they feel they have done anything wrong and more often than not, they disagree. Giving into the pressure, surroundings, need of the hour are some of the reasons they give to explain how they were made to do the crime. We think it is a lie, but studies have proved that even in their mind, they never agree to their wrongs. They have their own world, their own parameters, which tells them that they aren't wrong.

Let's extend this idea to all of us, the masses. Whatever we do in our life is derived from our understanding of right and wrong. However, there is one factor which makes us go beyond this practical mindedness. This judgmental mind. That factor is emotions.

In past years, I used to think why is logic not the basis of everything a human does. Why is logic not the religion of all people in this world? Why do we not respect logic as if it is the supreme authority? Wouldn't that play a big step towards world peace, something everybody is longing for?
However, I feel that the society has become open to this idea now. I also used to think why emotions are so important. However, they were beyond my understanding, therefore, I framed in my mind that since human race is ever evolving, so if we could have survived without emotions, we would have been emotionless by now. The statement was satisfactory to me until I started thinking about what role these emotions play in our life? Why are they still there? If we are attaining the world peace by doing everything logically, why are emotions still playing such a big factor. Ego, jealousy, hatred, pride. Isn't all these the only things emotions have contributed to the society?

And gradually I realized how I ignored one contribution of emotions to the human race. And in the time to come, I also realized how this one contribution is way more important than ego, jealousy etc. That contribution is love.

You believe he is insane
because the music he dances to
cannot be grasped by your ears.

Love has and shall always make people question themselves. Where do I stop? What are my boundaries? Love is beyond all of this. It is the only force that helps one break his own walls, the purest form of art. Reason is powerless in the expression of love.

As Rumi quotes: "This is love: to fly towards a secret sky, to cause a hundred veils to fall each moment. First to let go of life. Finally, to take a step without feet".

I will leave it to this. The more I write about love, the more susceptible I am to judging it. So I will leave it here. And live it!